So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
