i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
