He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
