My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
