Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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