i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
