Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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