I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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