tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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