He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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