I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
