He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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