eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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