I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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