I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
