I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
