Don't make out with my wife yet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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