im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize