I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
