Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
