I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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