:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i need some magic done to my vagina
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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