i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
