he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
