whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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