You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
