i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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