Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
