"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
