Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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