I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
