At least make sure they are 18
Why
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize