my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
