So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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