dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize