bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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