i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
