I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
