i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
