Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
