just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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