he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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