MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
