Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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