Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize