The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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