dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
