on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
