Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
