Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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