I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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