hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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