I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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