Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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