im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
