Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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