That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
