Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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