Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
