I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
