If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
