My friends, they love my intelligence
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize