You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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