you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
