well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
