We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
