Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
