Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
