So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize