My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
