Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I came so hard my ears popped.
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