After last night, I could never be a politician.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
