very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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