Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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