just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize