and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
