remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
