I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
