I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
