just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
