her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
