Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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