playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
