matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We left an ass print on the piano.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
