You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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