is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
