My liver just broke up with me...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
