The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
