the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
