Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
