Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
