If i come over, it means nothing
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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