You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
