i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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