Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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