After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
