You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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