I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
