i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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