apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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