I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
