mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
