Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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