you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The uberlube is also flammable
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
